a tree in a story about a forest

7 countries in 30 days later, I have returned.

life has changed.

yet life remains the same. maybe the vantage point has change.

my life truly is a story, somedays rivetting, somedays melancholic.

finishing Donald Miller's A Million Miles in a Thousand Years, I am again struck by 'story'

"He said to me I was a tree in a story about a forest, and that it was arrogant of me to believe any differently. And he told me the story of the forest is better than the story of the tree."

I am but a tree.

Uganda

I am going with a team to Uganda. We leave in just under a month.

During that time I hope to 'consistently' update the blog I've created for the trip, FBC Watoto Project.

Please follow along with our journeys, joys, miseries and experiences as we serve the children of Uganda.

acceptable snobbery

it's struck me recently that we've become a society of like or dislike. now, facebook really has nothing to do with it - but the opportunity to casually boast about that which we like or dislike has become second nature to many.

so, I've made a decision - I'm going to like more things. no, I'm not going to click 'like' more often.

what I am going to do is this: cherish more.

my life, my family, my friends, my experiences...but more than that.

instead of necessarily categorizing the items in life to like or dislike automatically - I want to like more/ cherish more. things that may not be in my scope of natural-likeness.

it's become acceptable snobbery to align ourselves with this genre of music or that, this type of movie or that, this book or that, etc.

we shut out the things we don't like. closed-minded souls we are.

but I want to appreciate more. see the hidden qualities. grasp the texture of an unknown tapestry.

so, you listen to your country music, watching Twilight and reading it as well - and I'll be standing there silently applauding your horrible choice in entertainment but appreciating it anew all the same.

the stories we live

so, I'm reading this book by Donald Miller called, A Million Miles in a Thousand Years. It's actually the book I was helping to promote in a past blog post.

following that post, I had to do far more apologizing than I thought I would - apparently people (few as they may be) gave me far more credit than I'm due. a few actually took me at my word and believed I had co-authored a book with Donald Miller, which I still feel horrible about to this day, though I laugh quietly about it as well.

enough about that.

as I'm reading this new book, the concept of 'story' has been slapping me in the face - mostly because that is what the book is about.

here is a snippet:

"The ambitions we have will become the stories we live. If you want to know what a person's story is about, just ask them what they want. If we don't want anything, we are living boring stories, and if we want a Roomba vaccum cleaner, we are living stupid stories. If it won't work in a story, it won't work in life."

thoughts? reactions?

ignorant or enlightened?

possibly somewhere in between.

I am on a journey. I am attempting to be honest with myself.

admittedly, there are many things I do not know about which I would care to know more about.

thus, this post.

I am asking for recommendations of books, articles, blogs, etc. What would you suggest?

What are the things that changed you, formed you, stretched you to become who you are now?

sheepy sheep

get this, God is happier about a wanderer returning than countless others continuing.

the question is, are you?

dear youth pastor - are you too busy coddling your churchy teens to even notice the one that needs love?
I know, I know - it's the churchy teens' parents that give so that you can have a job (they probably remind you with subtle hints)

dear big-house pastor - are you too busy patting legalistic rumps to even notice those who need grace?
I know, I know - it's those rumps that fill the pews or stackable rows of chairs and 'let' you keep patting them.

dear well-intentioned(?) critic - are you too busy whining and complaining about the faults in the Church to even notice those that need forgiveness?
I know, I know - it's all those faults that give you something to blog about and feel self-righteous about.

dear God - are we too self-indulgent to notice those who need Jesus?

I'm sorry.

"Look at it this way. If someone has a hundred sheep and one of them wanders off, doesn't he leave the ninety-nine and go after the one? And if he finds it, doesn't he make far more over it than over the ninety-nine who stay put? Your Father in heaven feels the same way. He doesn't want to lose even one of these simple believers. "

I'm dying

Gravestone Generator

now, before you think this is a shameless way to get you to read my blog (well, maybe you're right) stick with me.

it's true: I'm dying.

but so are you.

maybe I'm a realist, maybe I'm morbid - so be it.

every day that we are alive we are one day closer to dying - like it or not, it's reality.

I've heard it asked: "how would you live today if you knew you were going to die tomorrow?"
- what decisions would you make?
- what conversations would you have?
- which people would you be with?
- what would you eat?

and I've found myself desiring to live as if I'm going to die soonish.
- love more
- dance more
- sing more
- create more

BUT - I cannot.

the mundanity of life overwhelms.
- eat
- sleep
- work

my question: is there a balance to be found here? somewhere between responsible planning and carpe diem?

how can I live fully today and still go on to live fully tomorrow? the thought itself is fatiguing.

but what am I passing on today to salvage energy for tomorrow, only to pass on then?

...

I'm dying and so are you.

today, let us grab someone we love, declare our love for them, as we dance and sing and create something beautiful.

or not -I'm too tired.

I'm not mad...I'm just disappointed

this simple phrase damages me more than I care to admit.

have you heard it before?

have you said it before?

maybe I'm soft, maybe I'm weak - but I loathe this phrase. I hate disappointing people, especially those close to me.

so, when I hear that I'm a disappointment, it stings.

now, you can psycho-analyze my desire to please people or my father-issues all you want - trust me, I've already been there.

what is it about us (yes, I'm including you in this as well) that desires to please?

I'd honestly rather someone just be mad - it'd be far easier to digest.

I cannot be all things to all people. I can be Tyson.

...and when God looks at me, he sees Jesus - and I try my best to remember that.

death to the orator

is oration dead?

maybe I'll back up a step - oration is, simply a public speech.

so, are public speeches dead?

I've heard it said that "with these new generations coming up with little to no attention span, the use of public speaking over 5 minutes in length will cease."

thoughts, new generations? are you really, as generations as ADD/ADHD as you are treated or pandered to?

or is oration just a dead or dying means of communication?

as much as I enjoy communication through more technological means, I still hold a special place in my heart for someone who is able to grasp the imagination and attention of an audience publicly.

the modulation, the inflection....the pause....the body language, the facial expression, the moment.

teachers, politicians, preachers, activists, among others know the importance of oration, the ability to inspire - but are they just fighting a losing battle?

thoughts?

a vague memory

what is your earliest memory?

what is the first thing that comes to mind as you read that question? is it a memory of happiness? of joy? or sorrow?

or is it less concrete than that? more a collection of vague nuances and happenstance.

does anyone else find it strange that most can't remember the first couple years of our lives? memories are strange indeed. fleeting at times and yet vivid at others.

do you trust your memories? or have they changed over time? growing more and more exaggerated.

have your precious memories become more precious? have your painful memories become more painful?

or have they grown more mundane?

...

I have sat with people as they've died. tragic and beautiful.

and in those last days and moments, memories come.

they remind of a life once passed. regret. success. ambition. ambivalence.

relationships.

experiences.

circumstances.

...

we each have memories. which ones have defined you? which ones are you creating now that will define who you will be? which have you passed on, knowing these memories die with you?

today, stop and remember.

cherish. relive. ache. and start again.