(re)innocence

I want to see life through my son's eyes.

I want (re)innocence.

the years have left me seemingly jaded and skewed.

I want to see life through my son's eyes - trusting.

this is nothing new and nothing I haven't grappled with before.

as my eyes are opened more and more to 'reality' I can't help but think that 'reality' was closer at hand before.

I feign at maturity, I motion toward wisdom when all the while it's all simpler than I've made it out.

I want to see life through my son's eyes - ecstatic.

the drab and dark have left me numb. the conversations have left me wanting. the relationships have left me alone.

but this is not what I wanted. this is not what I started out to be(come).

I want to see life through my son's eyes - pure, unadulterated joy (yes, joy)

God, don't let me mess him up too bad.

I want to hold a starfish for the first time.

why church?

attention, attention (said in French, obviously) churchy-types,

so, why church?

really, why are you a part of a Christian community?

I'm interested to know - mostly because I wonder about the reasons people would give.

my pessimism wonders:

- guilt?

- obligation?

- habit?

man, I hope it's something deeper than that. man, I want to be bombarded with stories of hope and love, forgiveness and care, compassion and faith.

so, what is it for you? why church?

I don't care...enough

I wish I did. I wish I could.

really, believe me.

but I don't and can't care enough.

...

and yet, that is a major part of my vocation. that is a vital part of my life.

you see my dilemma?

most everyone's in some form of crisis - but I can't care enough.

I want to fix it. I want to change it. not out of pity, but out of friendship and togetherness. and love.

but I can't.

I don't want the cliche. I don't want the pat answer.

I want it to be different, somehow.

this is who I created myself as

a quote from a dear friend: "this is who I created myself as" continues to spin in my head after 3 months have passed.

on an existential level, it smacks of things deep and hidden.

my friend explained to me the impetus behind such splendor:

- we have made choices, for better or worse - but our choices nonetheless

- these choices have defined us

- these choices have changed us

- these choices have created us as we are

like it or not, "this is who I created myself as" - this is who you created yourself as

what choices are you making today that will create who you are to be?

- these choices may be direct or indirect, but choices allthesame

who is the person deep inside you desire to be?

who is the person deep inside you were created to be?

are you enabling these changes or inhibiting them?

as you peer into the mirror tonight before you drift off to sleep - ask yourself honestly - am I satisfied with who I created myself as?

stress

stress is an interesting thing. real or perceived - it's there.

it has intriguing physiological and psychological effects.

case in point:
- mind goes foggy
- ambition goes flat
- face goes slack

I'm not enjoying this at all.

I attempt to be one who encourages others to be completely present in the moment, but alas, I feel very distant in my own moment.

goodbye

just starting into another book (far too many on the go - but hey..) called essential church by Rainer & Rainer.

the premise is this: many people no longer view Church as essential to their lives, why is this?

they listed off the top 10 reasons why people said they 'walked':

1) simply wanted a break from church

2) church members seemed judgmental or hypocritical

3) moved to college and stopped attending church

4) work responsibilities prevented me from attending

5) moved too far away from the church to continue attending

6) became too busy though still wanted to attend

7) didn't feel connected to the people in my church

8) disagreed with the church's stance on political or social issues

9) chose to spend more time with friends outside the church

10) was only going to church to please others

as a Pastor, none of these surprise me - actually most I've heard from dear friends.

many of my peers have walked, citing any number of reasons - few have stayed.

I am saddened at the lack of my generation's presence.

why did you leave? when are you coming back?

be the change you desire to see.

I know you think I'm daft. I know you think I'm lame - but I would guess that you and I agree more than we disagree.

either way, I hope you're living life to its fullest. I hope you're loving Jesus. I hope you're loving people.

what is wrong with your life?

one aspect of this blog (read: life) that I've always struggled with is the degree of vulnerability to have just out there in the open for anyone with an internet connection to read. (just writing that is more vulnerable than I care to be)

with that in mind, let me share something that I typically reserve for those in my inner-circle.

I think running is crazy!

there, I said it.

I'm talking running for running's sake.

now, before you lecture me about the all the benefits of running, let me say - I have many friends and family who willingly choose to subject themselves to this form of self-punishment.

with the Queen City Marathon coming up in a few days, I've been seeing an inordinate amount of people jogging (they call it running - but it's not). but this is something typically bubbling under the surface of my mind often.

and now I think it's the time to get this off my chest:

...

Dear runners (but you and I both know you're joggers),

What is wrong with your life that makes you subject yourself to this?

Who are you running from?

What are you running from?

Why do you loathe yourself so much?

stop sweating and huffing and puffing long enough to sit down and talk to me about this, shall we?

Love, a non-jogger.

...

I see 3 groups in regards to jogging:

- crazy people who jog

- people who wished they were crazy enough to jog

- Tyson

before I alienate the sliver of readership I do have even further, let me say that I have the utmost respect for those of you who run-jog, the thing is - I just don't get it and would really like an explanation.

but more importantly, I was thinking about motivation.

today, I don't feel all that motivated and it got me to thinking: what motivates people?

and that got me to thinking: who are highly motivated people?

and that got me to thinking: joggers seem highly motivated, what motivates them?

so, you crazy/ self-driven people - what is it that motivates you?

schmolitics

"The whole modern world has divided itself into Conservatives and Progressives. The business of Progressives is to go on making mistakes. The business of the Conservatives is to prevent the mistakes from being corrected." - C K Chesterton

at the risk of entering in a forum I rarely go, let me lightly dip my toes into this. I found this quote amusing.

can there be a more moderate approach to politics?
does everything have to be entirely polarizing?
do parties really agree more than they disagree?
why can't we all just get along?
what is your ideal approach to politics?

I had an nearly unitelligible conversation with a friend yesterday to this end - unitelligible because of my lacking, not his - though I use that word more for dramatic effect.

But it got me thinking.

do you?

hope against hope

so, this weekend I will be teaching at my church (call it preaching if you will)

as I have mentioned before, this is extremely humbling (don't read as: Tyson thinks he's humble - read as: Tyson thinks he has little to no business doing this) and entirely sobering.

I plan on talking about hope.

I need hope.

I think there's probably 3 groups of people (let me pigeon-hole you - haha) in regards to hope:

1) those who see no need for hope, thinking life is what it is

2) those who have no hope, thinking life is sterile and bleak at best

3) those who have hope, thinking life is abundant and full at least

which one are you? or are you in another pigeon-hole altogether?

my friends and possibly enemies, there is hope and I need it.

I'm sorry (not out of pity) for those who have no hope. I'm sorry for those who see no need for hope.

I choose to (despite opposition) find my hope in Jesus. it's a choice I've made and continue to make.

call me crazy, call me pious, call me what you will.

this is not an easy choice - as “hope means hoping when things are hopeless, or it is no virtue at all.” - GK Chesterton.

now, don't get my wrong - many times I feel as though I bounce from one pigeon-hole to the next. yet, the person I desire and strive to be is one that finds hope.

today I choose to find hope.

savvy saskatchewan

over the past few months of blogging, I've enjoyed readership from a broad spectrum of places.

but today, I'd like to pay special tribute to my fellow saskatchewanians (?)

let's hear it for:

Regina
Saskatoon
Silton

Moose Jaw
Weyburn
Prince Albert
Carlyle
Yorkton
Oxbow
Leader

*keep it savvy, Saskatchewan - don't let your dial-up get you down

audacious

rant:

what gives you the right to speak for God?

it seems to me (and maybe it's just me) that some people take liberties when speaking on behalf of God - they claim: "this is the will of God." and who am I to disagree?

I hear things like:

- it's God's will that we get married.

- it's God's will that I take this job.

- it's God's will that I go to this church or that.

how far do you take God's will? how specific is this will?

- is it God's will what clothes you put on today?

- is it God's will which restaurant you ate at?

- is it God's will which deodorant you use?

now, these may seem laughable, but is there a difference? how far does this go?

some, in the name of God's will have killed.

some, in the name of God's will have raped.

some, in the name of God's will have done absolutely atrocious things.

what gives you the right to speak for God?

how do you know what God's will is?

be careful when you're using God as your excuse for those decisions you make.

I think God is more concerned with our hearts (cheezy - but I believe to be true allthesame) and attitudes. these leads to our actions and our decisions.

- be joyful, regardless of circumstance

- pray, regardless of circumstance

- be thankful, regardless of circumstance

but you and I both know you don't have to listen to me. afterall, who am I to speak for God?