the problem with guilt

I recently returned from a trip to Uganda. I attempted to maintain a blog while I was there to bring people on the journey with us: http://www.fbcwatotoproject.blogspot.com/

after being home for 3 weeks, I am coming to terms with life for me now.
I must tell you - I am not an amazing person. I have no dillusions of grandeur.
I am humbled beyond words.

there are those who think that it was a vacation. there are those who think 'short-term' missions is ineffective.
what they don't know is that most everyone who went paid their own way from their own pocket and that the money raised went straight to the classrooms and Watoto.
they don't know the faces of the lives that were touched and will continue to be touched through the 'short' time we spent there.
they don't know the sustainable ministry of Watoto and how even something as simple as the classrooms that were built will continue to give children a hope in life.

I was honoured to serve alongside selfless people who gave of themselves, their money, their time to serve. they sacrificed much to go.

while in Uganda and upon returning home, there was and is this low-level guilt below the surface of my mind.
I have so much.
I could have just as easily been born an orphan in Uganda instead of into a family in Canada.

but the problem with guilt is this - it atrophies the soul. it may indicate that there is something wrong or something that needs to be changed. but guilt quickly turns into self-pity/ self-loathing/ ambivalence/ and eventually numbness.

I don't want to become numb. I want to be continually broken. I want to be continually raw and new.

I want to move from guilt to thanksgiving. from atrophy to action.

I am blessed. but not for me - I am blessed to be a blessing.
...
a dear friend thought I'd enjoy this. she knows me well.
I hope you enjoy it too: