a proud and blind eye

I don't know where you stand on the Occupy Wall Street movement and I admit my own relative ignorance

however, I have heard far too many people simply writing it off

they right it off in various ways and for various reasons

I don't need to go into the detail here

however, it saddens my heart greatly to hear people who simply condemn the movement based on their limited knowledge

regardless of how you view demonstrations and an occupy movement - there are obvious problems in this world that need to be addressed

the thing is - I think most of us know it too

but it costs too much to enter in this discussion

possibly our way of life
possibly our level of comfort
and definitely how we view our own standard of living and vicariously how we view others'

now, I'm not saying you should go get a tent and set up in your given location

what I am saying is - before you write it off and go back to your life, consider why you don't care enough to engage

there have been many who question the essence of such a movement, asking "what is it that 'they' want"

a decent critique

however, having received no clear answer they write it off as disillusionment

but what if the underlying problems are bigger than a simple, quantifiable answer?

now, I'm an advocate that those who point to a problem provide a potential solution

but turning a proud and blind eye is far worse than simply pointing to a problem

this world is broken and we all know it

a little less dry and a little less cold

aaaaahhhhhhh...(a sigh of relief)

taking the morning to meditate, pray and read was exactly what I've needed (what I've been missing)

...

the iPhone was off

the Franciscan Friars were quiet

and my soul was at peace

...

that elusive silence and solitude was not elusive today

I was immediately aware of my own breathing

like an accordion pumping in and out - rhythmically and cyclically

...

I had forgotten about breathing

I had forgotten about the breath of God in me

...

reading His Word without duty or guilt - but out of love

listening without agenda or needing to speak - but out of love

drawn to pray for needs as they came to mind

...

and clarity - such clarity

vision and heart attuned to the impossible

...

I died a little more today

but feel like I'm breathing fresh air for the first time

my soul, a little less dry and a little less cold

...

still, small voice - we are listening

a little drier and a little colder

silence and solitude

two rare things in my life

but two utterly needed things

...

I've been semi-functioning for too long now without them

my soul a little drier and my heart a little colder than they could/ should be

...

so tomorrow I'm starting to stop again

...

when was the last time you just stopped?

are silence and solitude as foreign in your life as they are in mine?

...

still, small voice - help us listen

guilt and the relentless pursuit of 'betterness'

is there hope for us?

or are we caught in a perpetual cycle of of mediocrity?

there are things that need to be changed - decisions to be made and backed up

something about an old self dying and a new self being put on

...

but realistically, it feels as though we can't even make up our minds

with our words we acknowledge it

yet with our actions we deny it

...

we want to be better

we need to be better

...

but this guilt

it permeates and infects

distorts and weakens

...

is there hope for us?

can we look back one day having changed?

...

defeatist thinking is too easy

'why should we even try at all?'

...

has my faith grown small?

God, if ever we needed you - we need you now

I think we're still figuring out that we're naked and removed from the garden

awkward and insecure

to my disenchanted, disenfranchised friends

brothers and sisters

there is hope

you may think that change is seemingly impossible - that reevaluation is out of the question

you see a dying church

irrelevant
impotent
incapable

and you may very well be right in most of these accusations

however, there is hope

problem is - that hope may very well be found in you (actually, not a problem in my mind)

I know your love for Jesus
I know your love for people

and believe me, I know there is a lot to dislike about the Church - but don't lose your love for it

and if you have already 'fallen out of love' - see her again with new eyes

that awkwardly insecure little girl looking for love and life and meaning - just waiting for you to gently take her hand (even though she probably doesn't even realize it)

join me - not with all the answers, but with a deep desire to see her become the beautiful woman our God created her to be

innocent bystanders - achtung!

as a husband, father, friend, pastor and every other hat I wear - the people around me become the innocent bystanders as I frantically meander this life

all these internal struggles and ideological wrestling matches become spectacle for these poor people

as God breaks my heart (in the best way) over something, I can't help but share

as I'm challenged in an area, I must say something

(un)fortunately, this happens often

...

lately, I have been challenged on what it means to 'be' the church - the body of Jesus

as opposed to what it means to 'do' church

I have no definitive answers yet - though I have some inclings

...

I write this more as a heads-up and an apology - you will be subjected to the ramblings of a man in search (sometimes finding)

...

I am also choosing not to write about Mark Driscoll

everything is rubbish...

I rarely delve into popular blog trending for my personal writing

however, today - I put that norm aside

Steve Jobs died

I mourn his death, not because of my iPhone or iPad or MacBook or the sleek way they all integrate and have changed the way we live

I mourn because one person has died
...

but I got to thinking:

how many others die without so much as a whisper?

who grieves? who mourns for them?

...

and then I got to thinking

as I read posts and blogs and random thoughts from random people:

what will be my mark on this existence? (I know you're all thinking it too)

...

and then I really got thinking:

all my ambition, all my drive - rubbish if I lose grip of one key truth

"the last will be first and the first will be last"

I pray that I will be found faithful as a servant

...

what will your mark be?

will this world be better or worse after you're done here?

vice versa

given a different set of circumstances I could easily be in your place

yes, we all make decisions and have to live with them

but many of us lack the options to choose between

...

I am blessed - it's true

but I know the capability for evil that is within me

and when push comes to shove I don't know if I can truly say that I wouldn't have done the same thing

...but by the grace of God

...

you were but a child with no food

and no one to look up to

right and wrong seemed a lot more grey

does it have to be this way?

...

maybe I was meant to help...?

maybe my blessing should've become yours.

...

I'm sorry

every good and perfect gift

so, I've been reading some Kierkegaard lately

the following is an excerpt from his writing on the passage from James 1:17 -

"Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows."

These words are so beautiful, so eloquent, so moving; they are so soothing and so comforting, so simple and comprehensible, so refreshing and so healing. Therefore we will beseech Thee, O God, that Thou wilt make the ears of those who hitherto have not regarded them, willing to accept them; that Thou wilt heal the misunderstanding heart by the understanding of the word, to understand the word; that Thou wilt incline the erring thought under the saving obedience of the word; that Thou wilt give the penitent soul confidence to dare to understand the word; and that Thou wilt make those who have understood it more and more blessed therein, so that they may repeatedly understand it. Amen.

a voice in the desert calling...

the more I think about it, the more simple and true is the calling:

"repent, for the kingdom of heaven is near."

so suscinct

so clear

...

God is near