decidely moderate

I've noticed that when I'm with my 'righty' friends (and I use that term in all kindness) I tend to gravitate to a more left approach

I've subsequently noticed that when I'm with my 'lefty' friends (and I use that term in all sarcasm - haha) I tend to gravitate to a more right approach

now, before you charge me with flippantly changing my stance let me say...

I'm decidely moderate

and this is a dangerous thing for me to say, for I run the risk of losing the respect of both the lefties and the righties in so doing

but I see the severity at either end of the spectrum as more dangerous

there are things in this life that aren't quite as cut and dry as people would like to make them out to be

you may think that I'm just noncomittal

but I would submit that I'm very commited to listening (to both sides or more) and attempting to make a decision from there

I prefer that to just going along with whatever the 'groups' are saying

...or maybe I'm just moderately undecided?

I see you

forgive the creepiness of that title
but...

I see you

yeah, you

you slide through life without so much as a word
you keep quiet and reserved
you hold back
you keep your proverbial cards close
you shove your passions deep down
you keep your head down and your mouth shut
you try and you try to maintain this facade

but I see you
...and you're not fooling me

there's so much more there, I know
there's so much depth to your soul
there are things that boil your blood
there's mystery and passion and life
there's so much more than...this

and I see you.

you have something to say, I just know it
you have wisdom to share
you have so much life and it's killing you

don't keep it in. don't hold it back

let it out...let it out

and let them see you too.

to the next chapter

I miss writing

I miss creating, albeit ineloquent

I was intending to take the summer off the blog and return in the fall
that meant beginning September 1st...but here we are the true beginning of fall

thus, here I am - ready to pour out my heart

quite honestly it has been quite the journey
wins and losses
encouragement and discouragement

I found the less I wrote, the less I felt like writing and the less I felt inspired
a weird cycle indeed

so, in attempt to inspire inspiration...I write

I find myself back on themes of hope and disappointment. of pain and enlightenment

and God.
God is always there (or here, depending on your stance)

I want to be insprired and to inspire
I want God and I want life
I want to sip my coffee and reflect
I want to converse and ponder
I want to hug my kids so hard that they'll never forget my love
I want to laugh. I actually want to cry
I want to mend and heal and restore and reconcile

here's to the next chapter...

may we love more, regret less and revel in the joy of it all.

cheers!

more or less human

it seems that in life, there is much loss.

we each experience loss in our own way.

there's no instruction manual on how to grieve and mourn
and many flounder when confronted with loss.

some face it head-on.
some ignore.

and many more in between.

some self-medicate.
some self-deny.

and many more in between.

there is difficult balance to maintain between acknowledging the loss
and not letting it incapacitate you.

some weep and wail.
some bite their lip.

and many more in between.

I say:
- feel it and know it
- embrace it and learn it.

you have a choice:
- allow the loss to make you more or less human.

the church of facebook

I'm just finishing off Jesse Rice's book, The Church of Facebook - a very interesting read on how we connect in this hyper-connected age.

and it got me thinking.

how do I connect? where do I find community?
when do I 'feel' the most connected to others?

for me, as much as I enjoy blogging and facebooking and twittering - there's no replacement for the physical.
wrestling with my son, rocking my new daughter, and holding my wife's hand will have no equal online - not to mention the inflection of a voice; the slight gesture of body language; and the smell (albeit a recently utilized diaper)

it never ceases to confound me how someone can share embarassingly intimate details about themself with any and every one online (or who happens to be their facebook friend) and yet when approached face to face will entirely avoid and/or deny the very existence of the admission.

I understand it to a degree, as there is sense of liberation when you share something and get it off your chest - but just so you know, it's still real and it's still out there.

most likely, you came upon this post via facebook or some such online thingy (a technical ethernet term) and I welcome your thoughts because you are already in 'the know'.

- where do you find community? where do you belong?
- what role does online community play in your life?
- are we, as younger generations more or less lonely than the ones previous? or the same?
- what effect will this hyper-connectivity have on our relationships in years to come?

enough questions, my Blackberry (that I wished was an iPhone) is filling up with text messages, bbm's, facebook notifications, emails, and other reminders that I live a lonely (although well-connected life)

I like myself

now, this may sound conceited, self-absorbed and proud...

but, I like myself.
I am increasingly comfortable with who I am.

and for some reason this bothers you, doesn't it? instead of celebrating this, you bemoan it.

"good for you, Mr. I-Like-Myself! good...for...you"

why is this? why do we have such a hard time celebrating others?
if we're honest, our more intial reaction is near-jealousy.

something good happens to someone else, and we wonder why it didn't happen to us.
something bad happens to someone else, and we're glad it didn't happen to us.

man are we proud. we think this world revolves around us.

it doesn't.

and when we start to figure that one out, we begin to like ourselves a little more, because we think about ourselves a little less.

because, in an paradoxical way - the worse we feel about ourselves, the more we dwell on ourselves.
this begins a cycle of self-depreciation which is a form of pride.

pride does not always mean that you think you are the best.

sometimes, and I think rarely labelled as such, pride presents itself as dwelling on how much you don't like yourself.

this is detrimental to how we view others and how we care for others, mostly because we spend so much time beating ourselves up that we rarely have time to think of others.

so stop.

stop beating yourself up and care for someone else.
- take an interest in their life, without having to interject how horrible your life is.
- practically help someone else who is in need, without expecting anything in return.
- get in touch with someone you haven't talked to in a while - just to see how they're doing.
- give to those in need.

when you do this, you'll briefly forget about yourself...and in the process you may like yourself a little more.

and next week, after forgetting about yourself for awhile, you can honestly say - 'I like myself'.

(dis)content

are you content with your life?
where you are right now, as you are - are you content?

is it even possible to be content?
what does it mean to have contentment?

it seems that so many of us are running around - waiting for what's next; wishing things would be different; regretting decisions; etc.

is it possible to just be ok where you are now?

I know, so many questions, so little answers. maybe that's my M.O.

...
but I want to be content. I want to find rest. I want to know peace. I want to be ok.
...

what would have to change in your life for you to find contentment?
more money?
more love?
more time?
less pain?
less loss?
less confusion?

no matter what happens today - I will choose to be content.
no matter what happens tomorrow -  I will choose to be content.

you may think that I am delusional, but I choose to find my contentment in my God - no matter how much money, how much love, how much time, how much pain, how much loss, how much confusion.

mean face

I have a mean neutral face (so I'm told)

I wish I didn't.

I wish my mouth turned slightly upward in a mild grin, welcoming to all those around. birds would begin singing; flowers would bloom; the sun would poke it's playful face out from behind clouds shaped like puppies playing; children would run up to me as I passed by asking me to tell them a story (because people with happy neutral faces obviously love children and stories); and the world would just make sense.

...but I have a mean neutral face.

it's not that I am angry. it's not that I'm frustrated. I'm honestly just neutral and my facial muscles relax into a 'mean position'.

so the next time you see me, give me a little smirk (knowing my penchant for mean neutral faces) and I'll return the same. and maybe the sun will shine anyway.

Stuff Christians Like

Trying to stay as productive as possible - during my 'wait-for-Costco-to-finish-my-tires-3-hours-after-they-said-they-would stint I made every call, text, email I could think of - so now, I blog

I just received the book, Stuff Christians Like by Jonathan Acuff in the mail, having ordered it the first day it was available.

I ripped through it in one afternoon and a bit - laughing and snickering through most all of it.

He nailed it! Picking up on many of the idiosyncracies I have come to see in 'christian life' but could never adequately communicate.

From altar-calls to 7 people you'll meet in a prayer circle; from diagrams of worship-style to the smell of old hymnals with much more in between.

And yet, within the tongue-in-cheek wit of Acuff is a genuine heart for God and people; a man struggling to know.

With the profound insight and scathing poignance of Acuff, I can't help but think that God is laughing right along, though possibly under his breath so not to give the angels the wrong idea. cough

another self-convincing argument

in response to yesterday's post: self-convincing argument - I have a few more thoughts.

one - seemingly, what I observe in this life inevitably becomes a mirror with which I view myself, thus subjecting myself and anyone reading this to these critiques, directly or indirectly as they may be.

two - I am an advocate for self-convincing argumentation.

case in point -
I may not feel loving
I may not want to be hopeful
I may not be naturally joyful

but I choose to be these things (not always, lest you think I have delusions of grandeur)

I argue with myself daily to choose.

thus, I begin to believe what I'm saying. I begin to buy what I'm selling.

and most of all, against my shadier inclinations, I choose to be loved.